You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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