Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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