Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
