Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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