drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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