Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
