I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
