it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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