he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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