It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
