Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
