Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
