I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
