4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
