I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
