Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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