The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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