so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
