I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
