You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
farters have to be the big spoon...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
