soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
