We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
