Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
