My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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