well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
