Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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