there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
