I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
