my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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