the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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