I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize