I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
