The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
