He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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