Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
