I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
