apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
nutella sex= disaster
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
