YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize