Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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