remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
