I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
