well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
