I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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