$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
