I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
