No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
