Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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