i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
