we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
