Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you would pick up someone in the library
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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