Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
