i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
