If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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