If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
