if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
