sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
