I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
