We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
