walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
