Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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