normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
