So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
