i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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