It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
