please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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