Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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