i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
