My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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