I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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