you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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