Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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