dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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