I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
