The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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