Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
