Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
