Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
