What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
