Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
