Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
