My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
