Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
