My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
